theycallmesister

So the connotation of almost white girl (halfsies) (1) who was born & raised in American Fork, Utah; (2) currently attending Brigham Young University; (3) serving a mission at 19 & a half. In fact is entirely true. Can I despise myself just a little bit?

A couple months ago nearing my 19 1/2 year mark of life I felt the need to write a hoodrat list of things to accomplish before I headed out on a mission. I have this fear when I arrive home, I will have the crazy sense of adulthood & I am not going to lie that it kind of freaks me out.

More importantly I have felt the need to ponder all of which the number 19 brought to me. I am solely convinced with each passing years numbers hold the deepest significance & its the numbers that make up a life full of memories. Or maybe it's a shocking realization that I am the only one who associates numbers with importance.  But whate'er.  A condensed list of what nineteen brought to me.. included a birthday spent countries away from my family & finding this 'new' person in me. One who has become more free to the world, a little less timid & more outspoken. For the most part I like this new version of myself because I feel that I have connected with who I was really meant to be. Nineteen brought me a new group of friends & being able to sing to the radio once again. It brought me the realization that I am smart. 19 brought distance between older friends on missions & looking forward to handwritten letters. I learned to love being alone & that was my cure to a broken heart. I can look at myself in the mirror, flaws & all, I have finally began to understand that I like the way 19 looks on me. I like the way 19 feels on me. For the first time in a long time I have felt that I was in the right place and the right time. But what 19 brought to me will never be triumphed by anything number or birthday because 19 brought me closer to Christ. No matter what 23, 45, 64 brings me to I will be able to get through it because 19 brought me closer to understanding my love for my Savior. If only I was able to figure that out earlier... duh. Isn't that the greatest gift of all? God is good, I tell ya. God is good.

"When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about." -Haruki Murakami